Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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