would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
