i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize