My room smells like vodka and shame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
