Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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