he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
