Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
