Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
