So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
