people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
