when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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