Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
