Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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