In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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