If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
