all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
