i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
