so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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