It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
