At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
