That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's the barista slut.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
