Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
