I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
there is glitter all over my balls
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize