respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
