Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just cropdusted the office
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
