Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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