when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We have started to decorate penises.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
