literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize