Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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