there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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