I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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