There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
