i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
