I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I party with great urgency now.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
