she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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