We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
