This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
