I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
