I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
