She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
COCAINE IS GR8
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
