This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
