connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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