Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
