I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
