Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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