my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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