omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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