Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
