I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
