I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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