Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
