she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
