you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're making bets on your personal life
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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