So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
