I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
