Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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