Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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