she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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