I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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