went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
