just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
