If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
