all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
