You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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