I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
