She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
