listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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