we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
