PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
