i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
